evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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