so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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