I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
