I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
