i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
