the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
