i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
