I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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