my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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