why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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