I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize