Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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