I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize