That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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