Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize