sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
