I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
