I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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