Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
