If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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