your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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