$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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