Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
