So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
