Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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