im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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