I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?