You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.