Dude i fell asleep inside of her
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.