drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.