I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.