if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
