Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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