is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
