Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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