if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
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Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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