Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
