oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
