Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
