Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Randomize
