btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We need to rekindle our bromance
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
