ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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