By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
