We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
