8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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