we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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