thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
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Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
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It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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