We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
