Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Randomize
