Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
