I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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