do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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