Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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