I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
