everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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