oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
