Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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