Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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