This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
