2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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